Angry

It's hard not to be angry right now. The administration at my school and Chicago Public Schools have been intentionally vague about the 2,700 teacher layoffs they are planning. On the last day of school, one of my assistant principals got on the intercom to tell the staff to check our emails over the summer to find out if we are going to have a position next year. And we are supposed to check our mail for a pink slip from the Board. So now I am waiting, and I am angry.

I find that anger fuels a lot of what I do. I went into teaching because I was angry at the unequal and oppressive nature of the urban school system. I thought I could be part of a change in making quality education a matter of civil and human rights.

When I started teaching, I saw how the idea of education as essential to a functioning democracy had been destroyed by a corporate agenda and an obsession with test scores. I used my anger to motivate myself to become an effective teacher, to hold myself (and my students) to higher expectations, to show "them" that success in the classroom went beyond numbers.

Anger also drives what I teach, and sometimes I feel downright subversive. This year, my students discussed capitalism, the history behind immigration issues between Mexico and the U.S., the beginnings of racial stereotypes, and violent versus nonviolent resistance. My students engaged in political and cultural forms of resistance against the anti-immigrant laws in Arizona. My curriculum is non-traditional, not because I want to break the rules, but because I think it's a matter of necessity. What do students need to know in order to be aware and active citizens? The answer seems very far removed from what's in our textbooks and test prep materials.

I am angry now because of the way teachers are being treated. We are simply numbers to be moved around or eliminated at will, just as individual students are defined by a test score. The Board will cut positions because of the "crisis," with no mention of the basis of their decision, no investigation into who the teacher is and how they teach. The Obama administration insists on evaluating teachers based on their students' test scores. What does this say about the value they place on the work of teachers and our students? Are Obama and Duncan truly listening to the many voices speaking out against their policies?

So I am angry, but I'm not sure my feelings of frustration are productive forces anymore. I usually take action, I push myself to keep working, keep fighting. But I can't help feeling a little bit helpless and tired of it all.

I'm sure that this weariness will pass. I will pick myself up and, if need be, find another position and be reminded by the brilliance of my students why what I do is important. I find some hope in the election of the CORE party for union leadership. We as teachers need to be adamant about the value of our jobs beyond the numbers, and right now we need an indication of trust from the government, our administration, and the community that we know what we are talking about.